too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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