i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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