i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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