I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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