i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
