Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
this is an emotional support booty call
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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