Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
