i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
