end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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