I look better un-naked...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
