# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
