5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
