my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
