Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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