A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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