Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
