So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Fuck appropriateness.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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