TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
