How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i think my cat just said my name.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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