When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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