he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
