Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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