6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
