THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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