need another drink. this is the easiest way
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
