it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What drink are we having for lunch?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
BRING THE BAGELS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
