Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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