Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
