Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
