My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
