I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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