I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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