i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
