I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
40s are totally the cure
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
