Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
