I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to make out with him forever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
