I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
