im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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