As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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