It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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