the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
