My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
