Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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