3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize