Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
