mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
