hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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