There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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