Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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