I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
