YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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