it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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