i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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