Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
