I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
