How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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