so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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