I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
