Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
