Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
