yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
