i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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