i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
