do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
