What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
