it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
