My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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