nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
