I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
