If you die in college, do you die in real life?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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