Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
