I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
